she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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