Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
