i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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