Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude i'm inner monologue high
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
