Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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