I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Everclear isn't food dammit
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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