oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
