HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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