im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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