he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
