Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
