apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Everclear isn't food dammit
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
