Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
