I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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