dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
