She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
