"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
