I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
