Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
