Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
