Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
