I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
