I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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