I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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