Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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