So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
