I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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