He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
