On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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