you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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