Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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