I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
why didn't you poke me back
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
