He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
