I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
