Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
