This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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