hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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