I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
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