Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
