I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
