I seem to have left my pride at pride
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
