at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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