genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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