Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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