I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
