ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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