That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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