i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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