I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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