I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
