You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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