I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
