I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
