I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
