I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
PS: I just woke up from my shower
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
