well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
