so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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