Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
