apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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