I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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