your thong is hanging out like whoa
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
