do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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