Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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