Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
