We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
