Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
