I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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