We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
