Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
