What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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