i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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